“A love letter to my family”

Fuck you 

I’m tired of using soft words to sooth your tender ears 

Fuck you

I’m tired of putting things in a neat little box for you to understand

Fuck you 

For making me shape shift and change into a mailable unrecognizable thing until you find me palatable 

Fuck you

For every time you say cover your hair, Take your that thing out of your nose, have some modesty 

Fuck you

For everytime your existence is celebrated with cries of joy from our Syrian aunts, uncles and family, while I’m erased 

Fuck you 

For telling me to be understanding and cut them slack when my bitterness has no place to turn

Fuck you

They say blood is thicker than water, yet with a thousand small cuts you keep drawing blood from my body until there is nothing left

Fuck you

For trying to contain my rage and projecting your narrative onto me 

Fuck you

Everytime you tell me it could have been worse, or I’m entering their space, or I need to accept it and move on

Fuck you 

My acceptance runs on my time not yours 

Fuck you

Let me fucking feel whatever the fuck I feel 

Fuck you 

Everytime you roll your eyes when i interject into one of your monologues 

Fuck you

You want to be heard and silence me while never actually listening yourself 

Fuck you

For having to make me write these little words into a little poem because my little feelings have nowhere to go

Fuck you

I will not be erased 

Fuck you

And fuck me 

Because I love you and hate you all at once